style tagish but also some other little updates

hullo again, today i have something a bit different for you guys. i know i just did a tag, but i just stumbled across this one while scrolling through some reccomended posts and got really excited about it. i’m not going to be treating it like a tag though, so i’m not nominating anyone for it nor was i nominated to do it, but i liked the questions and the idea of it so that’s what i’ll be answering and getting into. i’ve been meaning to do something like this for awhile now but wasn’t sure how to structure it, so this is basically just a little summary post of my style essentials and what i wear on a day to day basis / what my style is like. hopefully that makes sense. there’s five questions, so i’ll answer all those and then talk a bit about what’s been going on with my life and what i’m thinking about for my next few posts, so if you don’t want to read about my style, just scroll past that and i have more important things at the end. enjoy!

my five essentials 

  • canvas shoes, like my converse or  slip on vans that i’ve worn down into oblivion but refuse to get rid of because i wear them almost every day and pretty much couldn’t live without them.
  • nerdy or black tee shirts, my personal favorites are my camp half blood shirt, my hogwarts shirt, or my black baseball style tee that says ‘nope’ across the chest. i like them loose and comfy, and they’re super versatile so i wear them alone in summer or with big cardigans in the winter, and usually with a little front tuck into my jeans.
  • black kohl eyeliner and mascara (technically two things but whatever), this is my day to day eye makeup pretty much all year round, i only ever wear something different if i’m going to an event like a dance or wedding or something.
  • bath & body works ‘be enchanted’ body mist, i’m not really into perfume so i don’t have a lot of different ones, but i love the smell of this one so i wear it pretty much all year round, and have since i bought my first bottle in seventh grade. unfortunately, it’s retired, so i can only buy it on their website, but it lasts forever and isn’t super expensive so that’s not really a big deal.
  • my watch, which is a bit newer (you can see it here) but goes with everything and fits my style really well. i’ve worn it pretty much everyday since i bought it, and also probably my ring, which i bought in hawaii and i guess kind of matches my watch. that’s technically two things, but they’re the only accessory type things i wear every day without fail, so i had to include both.

i can’t live without 

my straightener, because i use it to both straighten and curl my hair, and i’d probably die without it. not really, but it’s very necessary for my day to day well being. other than everything listed in my essentials, that’s pretty much the only thing i can’t live without.

i’ll dare to wear 

hmmm this is tough… my school has a super strict and sexist dress  code, but i’ve been going there since kindergarten so my wardrobe almost completely revolves around it. because of this, i don’t really wear much of anything daring, so i guess i’d have to say dresses. i don’t wear them very often because it’s hard to find any that fit the school dress code, are cute, and fit me well. i recently found a few i really love that i’ve been wearing more because it’s so hot (as i write this, it’s 100 degrees outside, not even the estimated high for the day). i wouldn’t wear them at school because they’re above my knees (the dress code requires them to reach our knee caps) but i do like them more and will probably wear more as i start college and can wear what i want.

describing my style in a few words

almost entirely black, lots of layers, preppyish grunge/punk, creative and nerdy, oversized and comfy, with a small touch of bohemian flowy when i do wear dresses and nice clothes.

i’m addicted to 

flannels probably, even though i only have a few, i just love them and wear them with everything. also, any sort of oversized cardigans or sweaters, if i find one i like i try to buy it in the biggest size because i like sweaters and such to engulf me. my biggest addiction though, is by far earrings. i have a ridiculous amount of earrings, mostly because i always find them on sale and can never resist picking up a bunch. the worst part about it is that i only wear maybe three of them on a regular basis, and rarely ever wear any dangle earrings even though i have a bunch of them as well.

so yeah, that’s a brief synopsis on my style. i liked this tag and wanted to do it but also didn’t want to go through being nominated and then nominating other people for it so i’m adding a few updates to the end of this post so it’s like a normal update post and then with that little special feature at the top.

so first of all, i am sick. very, extremely, miserably horrible worse than i remember ever being sick. it’s awful. and guess what it is? whooping cough *collective cheering in the distance*. except no, this is not a fun thing. whooping cough can last anywhere from one to three months, which basically means i’ll be sick for the rest of the summer. rip me and my social life (although i’m pretty sure that one died a few years ago, along with my childhood joy and curiosity). for those of you who have never had whooping cough, it’s pretty much what the name makes it sound. you cough. a lot. not like karen from mean girls’ little “i can’t go out. *cough cough* i’m sick” thing, no! it’s violent, it shakes my entire body, and often times ~stuff~ of strange and disgusting colors and textures comes up my throat along with the cough. i already only sleep maybe four hours a night, combine that with coughing and breathing problems and by the time i fall asleep it’s about four am. also, i pretty much sound dead all the time because my voice is awful. i basically spent all of saturday and sunday laying on our patio couch eating and reading. also, all i’ve eaten for the past week (with the slight exception of pizza at my friend’s house) is watermelon, oyster crackers, saltines, and chicken soup. i haven’t left the house more than three times in the past two weeks or so as well, which is greatly unfortunate seeing as i have a shit load of stuff i have to do. for those of you wondering how i could’ve contracted whooping cough when i should’ve had my yearly rounds of shots, well, my mom doesn’t really believe in shots. i kid you not, the last shot i had was a tetanus shot four years ago when i got stitches in my foot (fun story, also the story of how i became great friends with this one girl, remind me to tell it sometime). before that singular tetanus shot, i hadn’t had a shot in, well, maybe three years, give or take. basically, i haven’t had shots in about seven years. however, for those of you feeling all high and mighty right now because you’ve been vaccinated, my sister is completely updated (she plays sports so updated shots are required with physicals or she can’t play, which doesn’t at all affect me because i’m a lazy butt) and, oh also, she’s the one who gave it to me! basically what the doctor told my mom is that the most recent whooping cough vaccinations were so greatly “watered down” that they’re basically useless and whether you got them or not you’re at risk for “pertussis” (the fancy term my mom uses in public so we don’t scare anyone with our freaky medevial disease. i on the other hand prefer the layman’s term so i can see the scared look on peoples’ faces and watch them ever so slightly shift away from me after i explain why i’m coughing so much). so, to all of you, vaccinated or not (i’m not sure if this applies to int’l readers or not but just to say), stay away from whooping cough. it’s not fun, it’s highly, highly, highly contagious, and even though it probably won’t kill you as long as you’re a reasonably healthy individual between the ages of 10 and 60, it seriously sucks. just my little psa for the day, hope you enjoyed that! so yeah, while i am happy i finished three books in two days, i’m still fucking bored out of my mind and coughing my head off so yeah, much fun.

the next thing that happened was i passed my driver’s test! yeayyyy! i live in a super rural state in which there’s a lot of farmers and ranchers and such, who enlist their kids to drive farm equipment around their land pretty much as soon as the kid can walk. i was not one of these, i live in the capital (and largest) city, but i do reap the benefits, because in rural areas such as mine people are more likely to have their driver’s license when they’re way younger, simply because of farms like that and how far away everything is. the youngest age to have your license in my state used to be 14 1/2, but now that’s just the age at which you can take driver’s ed. you can get your license six months later if you pass the test. i have a car, my child, my little 2008 subaru outback, i call her jo (for both johanna mason from hunger games and jo harvelle from supernatural, my faves). and at last, i also have my license *evil laughter in the distance* *coughing* *continued laughter, cracking voice and eventual giving up because my voice is shit*. i actually failed my first test, although i have a lot to say on that because the guy testing me was not a great person. he was very rude to me and really fake nice to my mom, i don’t know if it was my age, the fact that i was wearing black nail polish and all black, my gender, or if he just didn’t like me for no reason, but he treated me like a child who had no idea what they were doing and i really didn’t appreciate it. he didn’t count a lot of things i very specifically knew i was doing, and then nitpicked everything so if i was even 1 mph over the speed limit, he counted me off. it was not a good experience, despite the fact that i am a reasonably good driver. okay, okay, i’m not a great driver (my car is a stick shift and thus shakes violently half the time, can hardly go more than 65 mph, and has a bunch of other little quirks that contribute to my slightly scary driving) but i am a really safe driver, i’m super cautious, and i know all the rules of the road and such. the guy who just passed me actually said to me in the car “i don’t know why the last tester failed you, you’re really a great driver, you should’ve passed the first time”. and that was on my sixth day with whooping cough so ha! my sister bought me a balloon that says ‘congratulations’ on it and then my dad bought me a little cd case, one that goes on your visor, i think mostly because i stole all his tom petty cd’s for my car and he didn’t want them sitting in random places and getting scratched up which is something i’d definitely do. so yeah, that wasn’t something i expected them to do but it was a nice surprise.

i also went to the birthday party of my best and oldest friend on friday, which was great. in august, we’ll have been best friends for ten years, which is the coolest thing ever honestly and i may have to celebrate with a special post or something or have her write something like in the last post i did with a friend. she’s been at public school since seventh grade, but we’ve continued being great friends and to this day she’s still the only person i trust with a lot of stuff. i have my best friend at my school, kyla, who is in this post, but there’s some stuff that don’t really talk to her about, mostly because she was brand new to my school shelby’s (that’s my other friend) last year at our school and doesn’t know a lot of the things we talk about. not like we’re keeping it from her, she just doesn’t have much interest in or understand some of it, like some of our old mutual friends or old teachers or guys we liked. she has a bunch of friends at her public school, who are all people i’ve kind of become friends with at her parties or other times we’ve hung out. they’re the type of friends i hang out with a maximum of maybe three times a year (not all at the same time, and not even all of them, some i only see once a year) but i’m still instagram or snapchat friends with them and don’t not get along with any of them. when we’re all together at her party, we have genuinely interesting conversations and a lot of fun together, and i feel really lucky to have such cool people in my life, even if it’s not often. we all have one person in common, shelby, which makes it so we all have similar interests and aspirations and connect really well, so i feel a lot of affection and warmth towards them when we’re all together having fun and throwing water balloons at each other and eating an excessive amount of food. so yeah, that was a really fun night and i honestly wish it happened more often because i look forward to it every year and then it’s over and it’s really sad.

so yeah, that’s pretty much what’s been going on in my life. this was a really long post, but it was also like two posts in one so kudos to you if you stuck around through the whole thing. thanks for reading, and i have a couple more posts planned coming up. you can look forward to my june accumulation, another books i’ve been reading post, and probably a music discoveries post. i’m also planning potential future posts such as a mascara review / comparison of all the different kinds i’ve used and which i liked best, and i’ve been working for awhile on a hair style type post, so all that and more is coming up soon! also, how do you guys like the new little logo picture thingy? in case you were wondering, it’s me as a powerpuff girl, i made it on this site, if you want to do one of yourself it’s honestly so cute and fun and made me really excited. anyway, thanks again for reading and following if you don’t already (i sound like a youtube outro but it’s all good) and i will be baaaack! *coughs violently* bye!

xxx abi




blogger recognition award

hullo again! so first of all, this has nothing to do with the post but who else really just loves saying hello like hullo because meeeeeeeeee! i think that’s how i’ll be introducing posts from now on, just a heads up, i really like that word.

okay! so on with the post, today i’ve been nominated for the blogger recognition post by the wonderful tea lover jess, who has the sweetest blog and if you don’t already follow her, you’re really missing out on some lovely content. so yeah, what’re you waiting for, go check her out!


  1. write a post to show your award (which would be what you’re reading, a bit redundant i’d say)
  2. acknowledge the blogger who nominated you (done)
  3. give a brief story about how you got started blogging
  4. give two pieces of advice for new bloggers
  5. nominate 15 bloggers for the award (i’m mostly gonna use this to share bloggers i love right now)

my story:

so my blogging story isn’t really anything special, i just really fucking love words and writing and books and such, and wanted to share that somewhere, whether someone read it or not. i haven’t had this blog for long (here i actually went and checked my archives to see when my first post was). six months! before that, when i was twelve i had a blogger (like the google blog app thingy) where i posted maybe three things at the most and they were all the cringiest posts you’d ever read (ugh shoot me now if this blog is still viewable somewhere i pray to god it’s not i’m almost positive i deleted every trace but who knows). and then after that i got super into youtube and for the longest time all i wanted in life was a youtube channel. my best friend and i attempted to make one once and then i tried to make one by myself, but neither worked. unfortunately, i am not meant for the camera and also had no way to actually edit videos as i don’t have a mac or even a good video editing app, so that didn’t work out. i may try for one in the future though if circumstances allow, but who knows. this blog was also originally named so if you remember that, shout out to you, that’s dedication man, thanks for being there since that cringey title was a thing. also, my short term (and slightly unrealistic) life goal is to have a book published before i graduate high school then become a novelist/author as my full blown life goal. this is just another of my stepping stones to that goal and also a way to practice my writing techniques and share other things like lifestyle and beauty posts and recipes and such. and in case you were wondering how that novel’s going, well, meh. i have so many ideas and the physical inability to express them properly, so yeah. i still have two more years though, so we’ll see.


new bloggers- write about whatever you want to write about. somewhere out there, there’s someone who wants to read your stuff, and that’s an amazing feeling. you really just have to write and write and write and not care much and you’ll get someone who wants to read it. even if it takes awhile, someone will want to read it. i’ve had my blog for six months now and i don’t even have 40 followers, but that’s perfectly fine because 37 people like what i’ve written and i love each and every one of them for that. if you’re just writing to get followers, you’re writing for the wrong reason. eventually you’ll figure out what sort of content attracts the most people, but when you’re just starting out and getting into the swing of things, that doesn’t really matter because you don’t quite have an audience yet so you don’t have to do whatever they like. and even if something you post doesn’t get any sort of audience, keep it up anyway. if it’s something you love and you’re proud of, then you should be, and eventually someone will come around to read it and maybe love it as much as you do. as long as you love what you’re writing, that’s all that matters.

my other advice is to establish relationships with other bloggers. when i first started blogging, i didn’t really want to interact much, i just wanted people to read my stuff, and i was really going about it all wrong. there’s this huge wordpress community really, and if you know the right people it’s the greatest thing ever. also, even just the littlest comment like “hey i love this post, your blog is super great :)” can both make someone’s day and establish a connection between your blogs so that you have both a new follower and a new online friend. go around and check out as many blogs as you can and find stuff you like and let people know and you’ll probably gain a new friend. my mom likes to say that a friend you only know online is just half of a friend but that’s honestly such bullshit. once you’re friends on blogs, you start following each other’s snapchats and instagrams and whatever elses and talking and sharing stuff you think the other person will like and if that’s not friendship, what is? of course, be careful and make sure you’re not talking to a creepy old man or whatever but that’s really pretty easy to figure out if you’re on someone’s beauty blog where they post pictures of their makeup routines and things.

so yeah, just write what you love and establish relationships and slight self-promotion here but hey! if you’d like to have a blogging friendship with me, i have social media. you can dm me or snap me or whatever and i’ll pretty much answer as soon as i see it. i like to think i’m super punk rock and i wear a lot of black and cuss and things but i swear i’m really sweet and nice, i’m not actually as mean as i sometimes seem. also, my pinterest, spotify, and snapchat are my personals so you can all see what really goes on my life and such if you’re interested. i’d love to talk to you all and share cool stuff and i’m always up for collabing and such if you’re interested in things like that. also my dog is really cute and i like to think i’m funny and have good music taste so yeah, there’s that, go check it out if you want:

insta: thepunkbutterfly / pinterest: thpunkbutterfly / snap: notanothernerd / spotify: -abigailmarie- / email:


last time i did one of these tag type posts i didn’t have enough people i knew who i wanted to nominate, and i also took the time to go through all of their blogs to see if they’d done it before, which took way too much time. this time i’m just gonna start nominating a whole bunch of people who i’m mutual followers with or whose content i just really love and think other people should too. if you’ve done it before, ignore this, if not, go ahead and do it! i’m sure a lot of you i tag have, and i very well could have even read them before, but i’d like to mention you all who i enjoy talking to and reading your content so that other people can check you out too 🙂


my life as courtney














that’s about it. thanks for reading, make sure to follow me on my various social medias and i’ll be back soonish!

xxx abi

good weeks & the little things

hullo frens and welcome baaaack!

i’m in a bit of a better mood today, one of the best i’ve had in awhile, and to be completely honest i don’t actually know why. it’s been quite a crappy couple of days, which i will explain in a bit, but for some reason right now i am feeling really really happy. i haven’t posted in awhile, not because of creativity block, but because of writer’s block. also, i’ve been really busy the last few days which i will also explain in a short bit. even though it’s not a super content heavy post, i don’t really write much about events in my life so i thought i’d share some of what’s been going on with me and some of the little things that have happened in the past few weeks that either were just plain important or made me happy. let’s goooooooooo.

first of all, on saturday last weekend, my uncle got married! he and my now aunt have been together for almost ten years now, and her and her sons are already pretty much family, so i have to say this is the first wedding i’ve actually cried at. they’re so perfect and make each other so happy and are honestly my real life wedding goals. one of my cousins who’s in college actually officiated the ceremony, which was hilarious, and everyone was drunk (everyone legal obviously, the rest of us were just happiness-drunk) and it was the first time in almost five years all thirteen of us cousins were all together and i loved every second of it. the cousin who officiated was so ridiculously drunk it was comical, he was dancing around like a dork and giving sappy speeches and advice to everyone there (even people he didn’t know well) and yelling “fight me!” at my uncles and dad for ridiculous little things and laughing the whole time (e.g. cuz: *takes my uncle’s beer* uncle: “hey that’s mine! gimme!” cuz: “you wanna fight? let’s go buddy! go ahead! fight me!” *puts up fists and does the little fight me dance* uncle & cuz: *both laughing their heads off the whole conversation) and my other cousins were sneaking him shots even though he was cut off pretty much after the first hour of the reception. everyone was drunk, but no one nearly as much as him, although the groom and bride were pretty close. my dad was pretty up there too, he actually danced and had conversations with people he didn’t know (my dad and i are almost the same person, which applies to our introversion as well, he’s not exactly great at talking to people and getting out there). my cousin was absolutely cracking up (she was a bit drunk as well, but i was sober obviously and it was still pretty hilarious) while he was dancing to “pour some sugar on me” and, well, let’s just say my grandma’s an amazing musician and dancer and none of her children inherited it. quite the opposite actually, it’s kind of our family curse, none of us can dance or sing very well and if we can it’s because of extensive training. the only exceptions to this are my oldest cousin who’s out of college and was a dancer and in musicals for years, and me, who can dance pretty well if i’m given the choreography and a bit of time and might be an okay singer if i took lessons (i sing anyway, all the time, and at the top of my lungs). pretty much the entire night was hilarious because of the whole “none of us can dance thing”, and i cannot express to you how much i fucking love my family. i have to say though, my favorite thing about that night was right before we left. my parents and sister and my uncle and his new wife were the only ones left except for the drivers (my family loves alcohol, the uncle and aunt who got married make their own beer and vodka and last i heard they were going to try to make wine). my uncle was ridiculously drunk, as was my aunt, she fell asleep in one of the chairs and we were trying to wake her up so we could get them home, and while we were talking to my uncle he looked at her and said something close to “holy shit, i cannot believe how long it took me to marry her. look at how pretty she is, i love her so much. she’s so gorgeous, you guys, look! i married her tonight, can you believe it? she’s so pretty.” i believe in true love now you guys. *collective awwwwwwwwwwwing in the distance*. i don’t know if he remembered any of it the morning after, we went over for family breakfast the next morning and even though surprisingly no one was badly hungover, they still had pretty foggy memories of the party. still, i don’t think i’ll ever forget that. i have some pretty funny videos that explain the whole “my family can’t dance” thing but oh look my plan doesn’t support video files. k cool.

the next few things hopefully won’t be nearly as long as that, sorry for the huge long paragraph, but the next like three things are a few other events that happened in my life recently that are important. first, i’m taking a cooking class! yayyyyyy!!!! i started cooking a couple years ago and baking for a couple years before that, but i was mostly just thrown into it, so i’m a pretty good cook, i just never learned all the basics like knife rules and little tricks and such so i’m super duper excited for this. i used to take a lot of writing camps over the summer, but last year i ended up taking two sessions in a row by the same person, who also happens to be the instructor i cannot stand, and now i’m just done. every experience i’ve had with the program gave me zero instruction on how to actually write well, rather they just said “write about a flower” and then made you read it to the group and that was about it. i’m kind of really done with that so my mom said instead of those i could take a cooking class so that’s what i’mma do! i know it seems like a silly thing to be excited about, but i really am pumped for it and also really hoping to make a couple of new friends because i’m kind of taking the time to re-evaluate some of my friendships this summer and realizing out of my ten or eleven school friends, i only actually like maybe two of them and maybe three of my non-school friends (if you’re reading this and know me in person, you’re probably one of them).

the second event type thing was that i found out i get to go to our family reunion!!!!! it’s my dad’s side of the family, there’s like a shit ton of us, i kid you not, and it’s going to be on my grand-aunt’s property in this little cabin up on her ranch and i am so freaking excited. if this puts a bit of proportion as to the size of my family, my dad has two brothers and a sister, so i have thirteen first cousins (as mentioned before). my grandma has three sisters, all of which have about four or five kids as well, resulting into a whole bunch of first cousins once removed who result in second cousins, half of whom are either much older or much younger than i am. a lot of these much older cousins also have kids of their own or are just married and every time we visit them i meet new people i didn’t know i was related to. also, my great-great-grandparents were mormons who setted a piece of land i will talk about in a second where they had a whole bunch of kids and then died, so my grandma had a lot of aunts and uncles who also had kids who had kids who are also somehow related to me and it gets really tiring even thinking about it. another perspective which explains the land is this; in my state, there’s a ranching town a couple hours north of where my grandma lives. a couple miles above that town in the mountains is what google describes as an “unincorporated community” (basically a teensy little town), which is where my grandma grew up and is the land i mentioned before. also, basically any and all family descended from my grand-aunts or who was related to my great-grandfather in some way lives in that town or in the slightly larger town below it. if you were to google this “unincorporated community” (which you can’t because that would give away my location), you would find that it has a population density of a whopping 4 people per square mile (this is because of the ranches) and a total population of 393 people! about 90% of these people are related to me, and then add all those people who don’t live there and we have a gigantic fucking family. so yeah, family reunions are kind of a big deal. for me, i’m very excited because my two favorite cousins (technically second cousins but whatever) will be there and i haven’t seen them since the last big family event almost four years ago. the three of us are all the same age and always hang out when we’re together but they both live up in the little town and i never see them, but they see each other all the time which honestly isn’t very fair. so yeah, i am very very very excited to hang out with them and do stuff and let loose and just hang out and catch up and detach from society since there’s no electricity or anything up there.

third event, and i know i promised the next few things wouldn’t be long but i’m really super excited about these things so i’m writing a lot, is that i have become very very lonely. last year, i really liked this guy and we were friends for a long while before over the summer he admitted he liked me but was moving to california to stay with his aunt and cousins for a year and once he came back he wanted to take me out. i was also good friends with his sister, we did theatre together, and she told me she had my full support and shipped it and that she really didn’t like his current girlfriend. i don’t know whether they were broken up or not when we confirmed mutual likingness but that’s a whole nother deal i don’t know much about in the first place. the whole time he was away he’d text me saying how much he missed me and other stuff pretty much leading me on to the point at which i was barely hanging on waiting for him to come back because i couldn’t wait. he was also friends with one of my best friends, and he got back from california on june 13th and made plans with the two of us to hang out a few days later. the day of, he cancelled saying something had come up, then the next day posted an instagram of him, back with the ex-girlfriend from before (the one his sister didn’t like), saying how she was the love of his life and he had missed her so much while he was in california and that no girl could compare to her. so yeah, fuck. and now i have no one. again. yippeeeee. that’s pretty much the only depressing thing that happened these past couple weeks, but i still think we’re gonna try and hang out because he’s honestly still a pretty cool guy and good friend that i don’t really want to lose, even if he was kind of a fuckboy about the whole thing. we’ve still got a lot of friendship history i don’t want to just give up because the whole time he was in california he was always there for me and always offering to call me to cheer me up and talk when i was depressed. thoughts on this? because i very well could be going about this the wrong way so if you have an opinion on this situation, do tell. i could use the advice.

oh my god this is sooooooooo looooooooooooong whoops. now for eight little things that happened these weeks that made me feel good:

  • i changed my sheets for the first time since christmas
  • i got a whole bunch of library books three weeks ago and there’s so many of them i haven’t even finished reading them yet
  • i found out my favorite perfume (sorry, body spray) is available online even though they don’t sell it in bath and body works stores anymore
  • i got rid of a whole bunch of clothes i don’t like/wear anymore
  • i figured out a really good bun technique for my hair
  • i made 30 followers on this blog, which doesn’t seem huge but it’s another ten people who care about what i write so yay
  • i also changed the blog organization a bit to match what i’ve really been writing as opposed to the old categories, so it’ll be much easier to find stuff now, aren’t you proud?
  • i looked at myself in the mirror and felt good about it, which hasn’t happened in a very, very long time, so this is good for my mental health and such 🙂

and to conclude, i am now sick. my whole family has been sick for a month or so now with whooping cough (at least my sister was, the rest of my family was just sick and we assumed they had the same thing). i hadn’t gotten sick yet so i thought it would pass me over and this morning i woke up coughing, with a gigantic headache and horrible stomach pains so yay! i am sick! also cramps, but that’s probably just mother nature come back for another round of destroying my uterus. whoopee. other than that, i’m just really happy for once. i’ve decided to make this the reinvent myself summer, especially after the guy thing, so i have a good feeling about this summer. even if it has already been a month or so, the rest of it will be great! i swear! anyway, this was supposed to be a much shorter post but it turns out a lot more things happened than i thought did, so here ya go. i hope you enjoyed, maybe i’ll do more posts on my life in the future if you did like this.

xxx abi

gluten free sugar cookie bars

hullo all, today i thought it was due time for another recipe post! i’ve made this recipe twice now, once with gluten free flour and once with regular, so i can guarantee you it works well with either. my mom is gluten free and i have a really sensitive stomach (so i sometimes prefer gluten free foods), but the rest of my family isn’t. i like to experiment with different recipes using gluten free flour so that my whole family can eat it, so i thought i’d share some that work well either way, starting with my sugar cookie bars recipe. this recipe is always a crowd pleaser, i brought the normal version to school once and my friends finished them off in one lunch, and my mom loves the gluten free ones. the only real difference was that the gluten free bars were not nearly as thick and baked a bit darker. personally, i prefer the normal ones just because of the grainier texture the gluten free ones have, but they’re honestly great either way. the best part about this recipe is that it tastes just like sugar cookies, only it doesn’t require refrigeration before baking and takes literally 30 minutes including baking time.  i adapted this recipe slightly from here, it’s almost the same but for a few things i changed to fit my specific supplies and oven and such.


1 cup butter, softened

2 cups sugar

4 eggs

2 tsp vanilla

5 cups flour (gluten free or normal)

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp baking soda


preheat oven to 375 fahrenheit / 190 celsius. in a large mixing bowl, cream the butter and sugar. add eggs and vanilla, mixing well. slowly add flour and other dry ingredients and mix until combined. depending on however thick you want them, spoon the batter (it will be pretty thick, almost an ice cream consistency) into whatever size pan you prefer. bake for 12-15 minutes, they’re done when you can stick a toothpick in and pull it out with nothing stuck to it. you can put sprinkles and frosting or whatever you want cookie topping wise on them and they’re absolutely delicious.

sugar cookie bars

that’s pretty much it, this is honestly one of the easiest recipes ever. i have a brownie recipe as well that takes the exact same amount of time and ingredients and is also amazingly delicious that i can also put up some time. i didn’t put frosting on this batch (although i did with the normal ones) but i ate them with a couple scoops of rocky road ice cream and they were heavenly. enjoy!

xxx abi


summer get ready with me + mini haul

hey guys! so today i went to the outdoor mall thingy in my area with a friend to go shopping and hang out for a bit, so i thought today would be a perfect day to try a get ready with me-type post. i’ve been wanting to do a summer makeup routine post for a while, but it’s so similar to my everyday makeup that i figured i’d just combine it into one of these and add outfit and such to it. this is the first i’ve done of this type of post, so hopefully it goes well! also, i’m adding a mini haul type thing to the end of what i got while i was out today. enjoy!

it’s summer where i live, and i also live in the western u.s., so i’ts extraordinarily hot pretty much all the time. it hit 96 degrees (fahrenheit, about 36 degrees celsius for my intl readers) yesterday, which i have a love/hate relationship with because i love the heat, but i’m not a huge back and boob sweat fan. but then, who is? i woke up at around 10, kinda late but it’s also summer and i like to sleep in, and the first thing i did (after checking my snapchat and instagram and mentally preparing myself for the day of course) was shave my legs. i don’t shower everyday, mostly because it’s not great for you and also because i’m lazy, but i had to wear shorts and my leg hair was getting a bit out of hand, so i had to do something about it. i made the unfortunate mistake of using a brand new razor on my fairly dry skin, so now my legs are very nicked up and razor burnt. whoops… it definitely defeats the purpose of shaving if my legs are bright red and bleeding, so i put some aloe vera on it (my mom’s reccomendation, we have a plant in our front room and it’s pretty much a cure-all in our house) and wiped off the blood to make them look at least halfway decent. definitely will not be doing that again, but at least you can’t really see the bumps from a distance.

i like to do makeup and hair first and then pray i won’t mess it up with my shirt, so makeup came next. for that routine, everything i used i’ve shown before, either on my e.l.f haul or daily makeup post, all i did was switch it up a bit. in order, this is how i’ve been doing my makeup for the past few weeks:

grwm 4

  • bb cream (neutrogena skin clearing complexion perfector) blending with my fancy schmancy little blending sponge (e.l.f)
  • blush (e.l.f baked blush in peachy cheeky)
  • bronzer (e.l.f baked bronzer in st. lucia) i finally learned how to use it properly!
  • eyebrow taming (e.l.f clear brow and lash mascara)
  • kohl liner on my waterline (e.l.f kohl liner pencil)
  • mascara (physician’s formula organic wear jumbo lash mascara… it’s the one that looks like a big shiny green leaf, kinda hard to miss)
  • eos lip balm (the purple one, i think it’s passion fruit?)

i did my hair nexgrwm 3t, and because my hair gets pretty greasy quickly and i’d showered yesterday, it was slightly greasy near the roots. i haven’t found a good dry shampoo yet, so i used baby powder (it works the same way, just harder to apply) and a bit of hair spray and brushed it out so it looked less gross. yesterday, i straightened my hair and then slept with it in a bun so it was a bit wavy on the ends. i pulled it up into a ponytail, pinned my bangs back, and pulled a few loose hairs down on the sides of my face so it wasn’t totally boring looking.

sorry for the blurry picture, you’d be surprised at how hard it is to take a good picture of your hair without anyone’s help.

outfit-wise, as i mentioned before, it’s been getting up grwm 5into the higher 90’s where i live, so i had to wear something lightweight and cooler. the shirt i’m wearing is from kohl’s, i bought it about a week ago and it’s probably the softest thing i’ve ever worn. i love it because it has the woodstock logo on it, and it’s really loose and soft. i bought it in a size bigger because i like my clothes to be looser, and it didn’t really shrink much at all, so it stil fits just the way i like it. my shorts are also from kohl’s, i bought them for spring break in hawaii and they’re probably my favorite shorts. pretty basic, just dark wash denim. and, once again, these sandals are from kohl’s (noticing a trend yet?). they were kind of expensive, but they go with almost everything i own and they’re really cute, so i feel like they were a pretty good investment. you can see my jewelry up above and in the bottom photo a little bit better, i just wore two of my favorite simple little necklaces (the branch necklace is from charming charlie and the butterfly one is older), a pair of stud earrings that were the same colors as the ones on my shirt, (they’re not really visible, whoops), and the black pearl ring i bought in hawaii (you can see it in the last photo, albeit not too well, sorry again).

here’s a couple photos of the whole look. i’ve been going through this phase where i just kind of throw up a peace sign every time there’s a picture being taken of me (by myself or others), so that’s what’s going on in the second photo. don’t ask me why, i don’t know, it’s just been happening subconsciously for the past couple of weeks.

and as promised, here’s the mini haul part of the post of what i got while i was out. we pretty much went to all of the good stores in the mall area, but i was really excited to go to the new lush. pretty much every lifestyle blogger / youtuber loves lush, but we’ve never had one where i live until a few months ago and i hadn’t had the chance to go in and check it out yet. i didn’t have much money to spend there, so i only got one thing, but i bought a couple other things in other stores as well that i’ll share.

you’ve been mangoed bath oil // lush

i freaking love mango scented everything, and i knew i only had a couple dollars to spend so this was what i decided to get. it smells so good, the description said it was made of mango butter, lemongrass oil, and shea butter, so no wonder it smells amazing to me. i haven’t used it yet, but i’m so excited to, it looks heavenly.

watch // charming charlie

i used to always wear a watch, but after my old one broke i stopped wearing one for a year or so. i’ve been wanting to find a new one that i can wear with pretty much everything, but i hadn’t thought of looking in charming charlie for one. i really love this one so far, it’s cute and versatile and generally lovely. there were a lot of other cute watches there (the friend i went with is going back later to buy one, she didn’t have enough money while we were there) and they’re pretty affordable too, this was only $20, so i’d definitely recommend charming charlie for watches if there’s one near you.

“crap” notepad // local stationary store 

i’ve been wanting something similar to this ever since i saw one at a locagrwm 6l boutique that was kind of expensive. i have a similar template for one pinned to my diy board to make on my own, but that takes so long and i’m too lazy to make my own little to-do notepad. maybe i will at some point and write a diy post about it, let me know if you’d like to see something like that in the future. this one was at a local shop in the mall, about half the price of the one i found before, and it also says crap all over it, so what’s not to like?

that’s pretty much it, this was a bit of a longer post, but the mini haul was a bit too long for an individual post so i decided to combine the two. i hope you enjoyed this post, i loved writing it, and let me know if you want to see more of these in the future or that diy to-do notepad i mentioned earlier.

xxx abi

just some stuff

hey guys, i’m not really feeling into this week’s challenge theme (or some of my others later on), so i think instead of making my goal to write everything on the challenge list, or even to write everyday, i’m going to make it to just write whenever i can. i feel like my posts have become insincere and superficial rather than the opposite (which is what i set out to write), so i’m going to step away from that and just write whatever i feel like. i’ll probably go back to my wednesday, friday, sunday post schedule, but again it’s just whenever i feel like writing. hopefully that will put me into a more creative mindset.

on another note, i stumbled upon this little gem while browsing my pinterest, so i thought i’d share it. credit to whoever wrote this, i certainly didn’t, but i loved it so much i just had to put it out there. as a writer, i can confirm that this is my life every single day. my fish is dying of starvation and my plants are close to dead, but i can tell you a whole bunch of random, crazy details you’d never want to know and i don’t even know how i remember. i write a lot of stuff i like to think is cool, so if you want me to put some of that up on here, i may or may not, some of it is a bit out-there. also, if you want to follow me on pinterest, it’s @thpunkbutterfly. anyhoo, enjoy this little piece of sunshine writing.

writers are forgetful,

but they remember everything.

they forget appointments and anniversaries,

but remember what you wore,

how you smelled,

on your first date…

they remember every story you’ve ever told them- ever,

but forget what you’ve just said.

they don’t remember to water the plants

or take out the trash,

but they don’t forget how to make you laugh.

writers are forgetful


they’re busy


the important things.

talking about issues

when i say issues, i mean with my mind, not my life. i’ve already done enough dumping of personal issues on you guys, so after this post, it should get happier and more lighthearted (crossing my fingers). i started this blog during a really rough period in my life, and i’ve never actually shared what the specifics of my mental issues are. so here goes, and i swear this will be the saddest it gets for a while.

i have three main issues: anxiety, depression, and ocd tendencies. i’m not so far gone with these things that i’m suicidal (right now), but they do make it pretty difficult for me to be so-called “normal” and functional. there are some days i really just don’t want to get out of bed and live, and some days i’ll be perfectly fine. i used to have some really bad anger issues in elementary school, and it’s still difficult for me to control my emotions well because i isolate myself from them and try not to think about what i’m feeling. my personality type generally tends to think logically, not emotionally, so being the generally emotional person that i am, that can be really difficult. emotions just get so hard to handle that i stop feeling sometimes and live like a robot. a sassy, sarcastic robot with a weird sense of humor and inability to get out of bed on the weekends. if i’m going through something hard or stressful, my depression gets worse and worse, to the point at which i dig myself into a hole and it gets increasingly more difficult for me to get back to normal. i really struggle with body image sometimes  most of the time, so when my depression gets really bad, i either overeat or barely eat at all. not to the point of health complications, but it can get pretty bad sometimes. depression for me is like the hole that i mentioned before, where i dig myself into it, struggle to climb out, then dig myself another hole (all of varying sizes, of course). if you’ve struggled with depression, you probably know what i’m saying when i say that sometimes, you just don’t want to exist. you don’t want to die, you just don’t want to live either.

when it comes to anxiety, i don’t get panic attacks often (like hyperventilating, shaking, can’t move), but when i do, it’s because i’m so so so stressed that i’ve shut down all emotions completely and they caught up with me all of a sudden and i can’t handle it. the most recent panic attack i had was actually in my car, a couple months ago while i still had my permit and my dad was sitting next to me and all of a sudden i just couldn’t drive, couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. it only lasted a few minutes, but it was a full blown panic attack and it really, really scared me. around spring time, when the play i’ve been working on for school gets closer and closer to opening is generally when my anxiety gets really bad, because my grades drop around hell week and then i’m stressed about grades, the play, and whatever else may be on my plate, so i shut down completely and can’t think. if i make it through high school without getting an ulcer, i will be very surprised and thankful because my stress levels get so high that i actually stop getting my periods for a few months around finals and during the running of our plays. my periods are already irregular (i only had five or six last year), so stress just completely destroys my body. also, i haven’t slept more than five hours on a normal school night since i was really little, like about age seven, so my body just kind of has to adapt and function on around four to six hours each night. this is because i have a difficult time “turning off” my brain, so sleep just doesn’t come, even when i’m tired. after i shut down, i can sleep for as long as a normal person, the problem is with school hours forcing me to adapt and wake up earlier and function on the minimum amount of sleep. i do sleep a lot on the weekends and during the summer when i can, but it’s still not really that great for me. other than that, i pretty much have normal anxiety symptoms and a mental “what am i going to do” panic attack or existential crisis about once a week just because of my stress and general worrywart tendencies.

now for ocd. ocd is probably one of the hardest mental illnesses to have because it’s so stereotyped, when in reality, there are so many different kinds. i can’t be diagnosed with ocd because i have the ability to control my tendencies sometimes, but if i’m really depressed or anxious about something, my tendencies get worse and worse to the point at which i wish i could just pop a pill and go back to normal. my ocd is more mental than anything, and i have more of the compulsions than the obsessions (which is why i can control most of it). i was actually told once by my health teacher that there was no way i could have ocd because i was so disorganized. i love her, but that’s such a stereotype of ocd that i really wish she did more research before telling me i was making it up. with ocd, i have really bad intrusive thoughts, which make me super paranoid sometimes. if you don’t know what that is, intrusive thoughts are pretty much explained by their name. all they are is a thought that you didn’t want to have that you can’t get rid of and sometimes become obsessions. for me, they come in the form of dreams and compulsive thoughts. when i started driving is when i started noticing them more, because all of a sudden a part of my brain would just start saying “what if you hit that car” or “what if you sped up right here” or “what if you just went through that red light” and i’d have to fight myself not to do those things. also, when it comes to the paranoia side, i can’t really go to the movies anymore because all my brain can think of is “somebody in this theater is a shooter” and then i can’t watch the movie, i just want to get out. i went to see mockingjay part 2 with my best friend only two days after it came out, and i became so scared that someone was going to stand up and start shooting that i almost had to leave the theater. before you tell me that’s just fear, tell me, have you ever been so afraid of something that you couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, got tense every time someone made a noise, and became so scared something was going to happen that you had an anxiety attack in the theater, during the movie? no? i didn’t think so. that happens to me on a daily basis, not just in the theater but out in public shopping or at church or anywhere there’s a lot of people. i avoid flying pretty much at all costs, because i am so afraid of dying that i pretty much just shut down and become obsessed with what would happen if someone stood up and pulled out a gun. and this is not an obsession like an interest, no. this is an obsession to the point at which i cannot breathe or function correctly until i’m safely away from anything that could pose a danger. any sudden movements in these situations make me tense up and my body starts shaking and i have to force myself to breathe correctly. when it comes to my compulsions, it’s just little things i can’t stop myself from doing. i’m obsessed with the number seven, so i always have to have seven ice cubes in my glass, seven when i’m told “pick a number between 1 and 10”, seven of anything. i have seven itunes playlists, seven categories on my blog page (the about section doesn’t count), seven pens in my pencil pouch, seven pillows on my bed, intervals of seven when i eat something, and i was always number seven when i played basketball. i also start chewing my nails and cuticles when i get stressed or anxious (which is when my ocd gets really bad), and if i’m nervous, i tap whatever surface is nearest (or even my leg or arm) seven times. i have to eat things evenly, so if i’m snacking on something, i always have equal pieces of food on each side of my mouth or chew my dinner back and forth an even amount of times on each side of my mouth. pretty much everything has to be even, whether it’s scratching both arms so one doesn’t feel differently, or cleaning each lens of my glasses with seven strokes. my favorite track on an album is always number seven, and i have to have seven of pretty much everything. i’m sure there’s other things i do and don’t notice, but that’s everything i do know and try to control (but usually fail).

so yeah.

that’s pretty much everything, but i really thought it was important for the people who read this blog to know what i deal with in order for you all to understand me. i will never tell someone that what they’re going through isn’t important or isn’t as bad as someone else’s because i’ve been told that before and it sucks. everyone’s struggle is important because they’re a human being and all human beings are important and lovely in every way and should be treated as such. if any of you struggle with this sort of thing (or others) i would encourage you to talk to someone about it, but if that’s not an option or you don’t feel comfortable with it, i’m always here if you need it. i don’t think i’ve shared this anywhere, but if you don’t want to comment something (not just wanting to talk, pretty much anything you don’t feel comfortable putting in public for everyone to read) my blog email is thanks for reading and i hope you found this interesting and enlightening!

xxx abi