i’m in a mood.
i get these sometimes, one of those weeks when you become just extremely self aware and awkward and just gahhhh. it’s not a bad mood, it wasn’t a bad week, it was just a kind of strange and then happy and then awkward and then stressful and a lot of other things.
i’m one of those people who can’t. do. emotions. helloooo, intp here, i can’t do the feeling or the understanding or the really anything that has to do with emotions of any sort. i deal with emotions the way i handle any logical problem- focus on the big issue and work outward, one problem at a time. i can sort through those things easily because i know how to isolate the problem and fix it. and that’s not exactly how emotions work. emotions… well emotions to me are like a huge pile of laundry (bear with me here). it’s messy. it’s colorful (well, maybe for most people. my laundry is generally all black…), and it looks like a huge issue that will be pretty difficult to deal with. in reality, laundry is pretty easy to deal with. shirts go on hangers, jeans are folded on the shelves, pajamas folded in pairs in the dresser… everything has a place and if you put it in its place it all fits and stores properly. if you’re me, well, laundry goes on the floor because you don’t feel the need to deal with it at the moment because you have bigger issues like anatomy homework and it’s not that difficult to sort through the stack of things on the floor to find the jeans you want. but if you let it pile up too long (like i tend to), it becomes more and more difficult and time consuming and, well, hazardous, to sort through and put in order. so you procrastinate. you put off sorting and washing the laundry until the last possible moment, and even then the only reason you do it is because you don’t actually have anymore clothes to wear to school so you spend the weekend completely on laundry because it’s become such an issue. that is exactly how i deal with emotions, feelings, etc. bottle it up thinking it’s fine, everything’s fine, and then just kinda gaaaaaahhhh all over the place and let it all out at once.
so that’s what this week has been. not bad. not good. but nothing in between either. just kinda… blah. i’ve been slowly learning to sort out my emotions properly, which also involves getting stress and such out of the way so i can deal with everything one issue at a time.
for another few updates, i have some exciting news featuring… my best friend, kyla!
kyla and i have, after about approximately, er, one night of discussion and a few years of really wanting to do something like this together, decided to start a book blog! this is something i’m very very excited for because i’m maybe sort of obsessed with books and ya lit and such things, so this is something i’ve wanted to do for a long time. i will be revealing the url as soon as the first post goes up, for now we are currently in the process of editing, creating accounts, organizing, formatting, etc. so there’s nothing really worthwhile to see at the moment. but i promise that as soon as the first post goes up, i’ll talk more about it!
in other news (since i’ve been such an absent mofo lately)…
- someone asked me to homecoming?! gah what??? they’re a theatre friend and i’m very excited but also kinda sad cause this means i’m not going with friends like i usually do. but we’re trying to get a group together and so far one of my other guy friends from theatre has said he’ll join us so it’ll be fun even if i have to awkward my way through the night. it was really sweet how he asked me though and i’m still sort of kinda trying to figure out whether he asked me as a friend or not because that’s what i thought at first and i’m sort of noticing a few things that are making me think there’s something more there. but considering my history with this sort of thing, i’m sticking with friends until i get practically a sign from god that there’s more than a friendship here. i can’t read people, so if you’re ever trying to hint at something to me, just tell me outright. like honestly, you could make it painfully obvious that you like me for years and years and until you come up to me and outright say “i really like you” i would not be able to tell. i don’t do the emotions, the feelings, the reading people, anything like that. nope, can’t do it. it’s just an intp thing.
- my parents… bought a house??? it’s an investment property, something my family has been talking about doing for awhile now but it actually happened and, just, what? but anyway, that means i won’t have to get a job because they’re going to be renting it out over airbnb and paying me to do a bunch of stuff for them to get the house organized and stuff in between guests. so yeah, that happened.
- my dog is sick and hacking all over the place and wheezing constantly and we have no clue what’s wrong but it’s kind of freaking me out so updates will come if anything awful happens. praying nothing does and it’s just a bad cold or kennel cough or something though.
that’s all for today. sorry i haven’t been active lately but a lot of things are happening and i genuinely just don’t have time to write. which makes me really sad but it’s life so oh well. i just have to figure out how to sort it all out and make time. anyways, i love you guys and i swear i’m not neglecting you on purpose. i’ll be back soon enough. muah.